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Yeo Kheng Meng

Maker, Coder, Private Pilot, Retrocomputing Enthusiast

5 minutes read

This is meant to be satire and obviously does not represent what I desire to happen and I hope all these will never happen. I’m personally partial to the opposition. Just that I had these random thoughts and I had the urge to pen them down. I saved the best point for the last (11th point) about the Population White Paper.

  1. All MRT trains will skip the stations inside the wards with exception to the interchange stations. Resources even in our public-listed transport companies are limited, we have to concentrate our limited maintenance resources on stations in wards which support us. You guys complain about frequent train breakdowns? Now there are none for you to worry about.
  2. Tax the sale and installation of air-conditioning units for new flats. We are a recent signatory of the Kyoto Protocol. Since aircons consume the largest chunk of electricity, the opposition wards have the privilege to be the first to start the ball rolling to help protect the environment.
  3. Since almost all the opposition parties talk about setting a minimum wage. Fine, we shall set a minimum wage of $7/hour (SDP) or $1000/month (WP) for all industries within your district and remove Workfare. The labour market in the rest of Singapore (representing the global market) will continue to operate on market forces. See if this microcosm of the opposition-policy actually works in practice. If it does, you have made a remarkable national sacrifice. If not, you can always come back and support the PAP policy in the next election.
  4. Continuing from the above, given the xenophobic nature of most opposition parties, lets ban the hiring of all new foreign workers in companies with premises in those wards. This means no more S-Pass or EPs or any other scheme. Only Singapore citizens and PRs can conduct business activities in your wards and this includes construction workers. Exceptions will be granted for government-linked companies, foreign MNCs or key national installations.
  5. GST of products sold within those wards will be increased to 10%. Income taxes will also go up to 28%(SDP) and scaled accordingly. Since you believe in the flowery campaign promises of the opposition parties, let us give you an early taste of what drawbacks have to happen should their Robin Hood policies be actually implemented.
  6. Lifts will now service only the alternate HDB levels to reduce wear-and-tear. We are taking the initiative to reduce maintenance costs to lower the chance that your town council will enter a deficit. If you at the wrong level, too bad, just take the stairs.
  7. Access to websites like TOC, ASS, TRE and other anti-establishment sites as deemed by the government will be throttled or banned. You guys must learn to read the “right” thing.
  8. Continuing from the previous, we shall give you a compensatory bonus, we shall waive the subscription fees for SPH newspapers. Every home will subscribe and shall receive a complimentary copy of Straits Times, Lianhe Zaobao or choice of any other SPH newspaper. Don’t say opposition wards are all doom and gloom, you get something no other wards have.
  9. Children of parents living in opposition wards entering Primary Schools will be given the lowest priority. Our educational resources are limited, we have to reserve the benefits to wards that support government policy. We did the Graduate Mothers Scheme before, this should not be a surprise to you.
  10. You want your CPF back right. Fine, you all will get your CPF back in full at age 55. You will also lose all Medishield coverage at the same time. Attending any hospital from that point on will require you to pay in cash and in full. Didn’t your opposition MP tell you that in the rally? Don’t come crying to the government if you spend all your CPF money at the casino. Ask for handouts from your opposition MP instead.
  11. You voters sorely misunderstand the Population White Paper. It is not about targeting a population of 6.9 million, it is about building the necessary infrastructure to take care of the WORST CASE Scenario of 6.9 million amongst many others. Since you guys are taken in by the misrepresentation by the opposition parties, fine we will not implement the policies in the White Paper for your wards just like what you and the opposition parties wanted.
  • These include but are not limited to: a. Parenthood schemes
    b. Assisted Reproduction Technology subsidies
    c. Enhanced baby-bonus
    d. Paid maternal/paternal leaves
    e. PIC applications will be stopped to companies located in the wards with immediate effect as supposed to 2017. Claims will be approved retroactively should they desire to move to a new location outside the ward.
    f. WTS and STEP schemes will not be applicable to employees living in an opposition ward.
    g. No more Workfare for you. Why have Workfare when you already have a minimum wage?
    h. You can’t use the job matching portal provided by WDA or your CDC.
    i. No noise barriers for transport hubs
    j. Rate of building BTO units will return to levels before the White Paper.
    k. If a Community Hospital is slated but yet to be built in your ward, it will be cancelled and a new location found elsewhere.
    l. The Cross Island Line and Jurong Region Lines will be revaluated if they fall in your ward. Stations will be built, but not opened until you repent from your mistakes. We have started a line with closed stations before, remember Buangkok?
    m. Hate foreigners right, foreigners will no longer be allowed to rent HDB flats in your wards.

Want to know those we have missed out? I bet you will read the Population White Paper in greater detail now. People only realise the value of something after they lose it.

Don’t say I never warn you horh, someone said your area might become slums. With the implementation of some of the policies by the opposition, your ward might actually become one. Don’t compare Aljunied, Hougang or Punggol East, we currently have your interest at heart and still implement most of our national-level policies in those areas. The WP fortunately does not have enough seats to form the government to implement its destructive socialist policies. We can’t say we will continue to extend the olive branch and honour our election promises after this election if we are not elected in your ward.

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